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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

UnAmerican: Geckos

UNAMERICAN (Even though I still like them): Geckos

Now, I don't know if you all recall my post on Avatar but even though I deemed it an UnAmerican movie, I still had to admit that I enjoyed it. So that is the stance that I'm taking on Geckos. I like Geckos (No not that way you pervert)(Okay, yeah, maybe that way)(No, no I take that back. Not in that way), but they are extremely UnAmerican. Without further ado, lets take a look:
  • They're nocturnal: Now you really shouldn't trust Nocturnal things. Trust me. Just google James St. James and/or the Club Kids in another window or tab. I'll give you a moment. Go on, google them. See what I mean? Those things are scarier than the time Hillary Clinton was pantsed in public. And they were also nocturnal just like Geckos. Now the reason nocturnal things are so utterly evil is because they happen to be from Russia, which is on the other side of the world (for the newcomers, I'm comparing its location in comparison to America). Then, when they invade America, they still have Jet Lag and are stuck in Russia's time zone which has day and night opposite from the U.S.
  • They Always Die on Me!: Now I have had two pet Geckos before and both of them died. Now I have abandonment issues so I don't like it when things die on me. One might say that that makes them good, because, quoting Billy Joel, "Only the Good Die young." Well remember, that song was written in the heart of the cold war, and using their time machines, the Soviets could have forseen my writing this and brainwashed Billy Joel into writing that song in the past to ruin my credibility in the future. So HA. And, also, that song is about someone losing their virginity so now it kind of looks like you want to have sex with Geckos. Which is weird. But I get it. And I accept you.
  • On a separate note, don't name anything you love Morgan Freeman. My last Gecko's name was Morgan Freeman and he died really fast. It seems that Morgan Freeman is so awesome that there can only be one. And I learned that the hard way.
  • Geico Insurance Lies: save 15% or more on car insurance? Check your numbers buddy. Also, is it just me or does that gecko from the commercials seem kind of rude. Like he thinks he's better than everyone else? Trust me, just pay more attention to his body language next time. Look at him, what's he smiling about that I don't know?
  • Gordon Gekko from the movie Wall Street pisses me off: I like the movie Wall Street. Its a great movie, and Gordon Gekko may be one of the greatest fictional characters of all time. But, despite how awesome he is, there was one scene that made me angry at him. Its when him and Charlie Sheen go to lunch and he tells Charlie Sheen to get a decent suit. Well, personally, I thought Charlie Sheen's suit was very nice. And it matched much better with his tie than Gekko's suit did.

video

Firstly, I made that video. But, it says that dumb thing in the back because that was the only way to put it on the blog. But, I really did make the video.
By the way, this video shows the reason I haven't posted in so long. You see, Whoopee Goldberg saw I discovered her secret and decided to attack me. This is a depiction of the ensuing battle. And for those of you who aren't members of the BWGA, the Bird Watcher's Guild of America, that bird beak at the end belongs to a Magnus Haliaeetus Leucocephalus, or the Legendary Giant Bald Eagle. And seriously, if you're gonna read the blog, you're gonna have to know your bird facts because I'm not gonna keep explaining these things. Oh, and if you like her movies, don't worry. She'll grow her head back. That's not the first time that's happened.

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