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Sunday, January 24, 2010


Okay so I stopped posting for a while so I'm doing a double post (!?!?!?!?). Don't question it, just embrace it.

AMERICAN: Xbox 360

Okay so basically, I think that Xbox 360s are American because they are the best video game console and video games are American (to be explained in a possible later post). Personally, I prefer Xbox 360s over other video game consoles and here is why:
  • I own one: You guys (and women to be politically correct (actually, you know what, lets just go with readers)). Okay, so you READERS (suck it feminists you ain't got nothing on me) know by now that you can trust me like a SIBLING (again, feminists, you can suck it) or a very friendly but awkward neighbor that may or may not like kids way to much (that means you Mr. Howard). So, if I own an Xbox 360, it must be American.
  • The online multiplayer costs money: Every American (and every Asian) knows that Xbox Live costs 50 dollars a year. And every American (and every Asians. Okay, maybe Asians more than Americans) knows that the more expensive something is, the better quality it is.
  • It has better games than other consoles: Little Big Planet? What? Does no one else realize that this makes absolutely no sense at all? How can a big planet be little? How can any planet be little? Planets are big! I mean America is a huge planet! Yeah, thanks but no thanks. I pick Halo 3.
  • It has racial equality: The Xbox comes in black or white and while one color is still blatantly better than the other color (maybe the wrong roles?), both are still there. "SPOILER ALERT:" I don't see a white PS3.
  • Xbox 360 is more characters than PS3: So, by now, you've realized that the next Un-American companion post that goes with this post is the PS3. And every American (and every Italian) knows that long names are the best names. America's full name is The United States of America (26 characters long including spaces) while its greatest enemy is just Russia (6 spaces). Xbox 360 is 8 characters long while the PS3 is just 3. Yeah. What now?

Okay so I hate the PS3. Here is why:
  • I don't own one: Okay readers (both feminist and other wise) we've been over this. Would I own a stupid thing? The answer is no. Just trust me.
  • The online multiplayer is free: What is this? Communist land (Russia). No, its America! No sharing!
  • It is racist: There is no white version of the PS3, just a black version. That is racist. But, there is a silver version for the robot demographic, so the Xbox is at a loss there (come on Microsoft, you can do it!).
  • Dumb games: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves doesn't sound fun. Honestly, it sounds like the GPS in a Lexus full of shoplifters broke on the way to a cousin's birthday party. And Little Big Planet not only makes no sense, but since when have sock puppets been fun? NEVER!
So, basically, the PS3 is Unamerican but the Xbox 360 is American.

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