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Saturday, January 30, 2010

George W. Bush


This post does not follow the normal layout. Just so you know.

So, we all know president George W. Bush. Well, he is a perfect specimen of an American. He is a smart, well educated, handsome (as shown above) MAN. Here is a Pie Chart saying I'm right:

See? The chart clearly states Fritos, Cocaine, Happy, and Good. All positive words right? Well then I must be telling the truth! So, we all know him for his successful presidency and genius quotes. But, these quotes may be more than nuggets of boner producing knowledge. After close inspection, I've found that George W. Bush may be a prophet and possibly the Nostradamus of our time. Here are some interpretations of some of the more important quotes.

1. "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

Okay so this quote is trying to tell us that eventually clothes will be rare and we will all have to be naked. But, food will become more abundant and we will have to wear food scraps and otehr garbage to cover ourselves. Except for Megan Fox. She still has to stay naked.

2. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

Okay so the government is going to crack down on prostitution (I should find a new job fast!) This means that OB-GYNs are going to have an underground network of prostitution with doctors being both pimps and hoes. Going to see the doctor will not only include getting a blood test but also getting a hand job/ female equivalent. This is going to cause some doctors to quit due to morality.

3. "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

Misunderestimated will become a legitimate word. I call coining it so back off.

4. "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

Okay so the untrained eye may believe that this is saying that Americans will become poor and need to get three jobs to just get by. But its really trying to say that America will become such a successful country that it will have to many jobs and Americans will have to get three jobs each to keep opportunities away from immigrants.

5. "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

Aquaman will accidentally trigger a war between fish and humans. But, he will have to go with Lindsey Lohan, an Asian child, and a Lobster named Chester to the heart of both the fish and human societies to uncover a conspiracy which will immediately cause the two societies to become allies against amphibians (that includes Sarah Jessica Parker).

6. "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

Future President James Hope is kidnapped. He is found in Families, Ohio with his kidnapper, Martin Wings. The FBI try to save President Hope, but, he is expecting them and takes another hostage, FBI Agent Sarah Dream.

I hope that you have learned something. I know I have...

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